The fuck you looking at?
Fuck are you looking at?

As a winner of a Eurohockey 4th place title or two, I like to think I know a bit about this stick and ball malarkey.  I’ve always fancied giving something back to the fans, so here I am to answer your questions.  No autograph hunters though, please – you lot piss me right off.

Dear Bobby

Last week I was penalised for stepping outside the D for interfering with play within five yards of the keeper.  I thought with the new rule changes this was allowed – can you advise what I did wrong?

Excuse me?  Do I look like a fucking umpire?  If some whistle-blowing bint in black socks tells you to shift your arse, just do as your told.  Christ almighty, you people… if I could hand out yellow cards to block people from the Internet for five minutes, you’d be getting a sackful of the bastards.