I am big fan of Borat and I do great impress: “Is nice!”

Hallo!  Some of you may recognise me from penalty miss last year at EuroHocks 2015 when we lose to England cheats.

Lose to England was painful because stupid umpire not see Lily Owsley stretching out big hairy toe to score second goal.  If I was in charge of hocks laws, I would say all cheats be punish by having to wear Dutch clogs during next match and maybe next match after.  Lily cheat was worse ever cheat, so she have extra punish of chopped off leg with big axe.

Last week, out of curious, I did Google image search of my name and got lots of pictures of me in bikini.  This make me happy because I like wear bikini.  I once ask coach if I play hocks in bikini, but he say no.  I then tell him that triathlete do jog, swim, bike in bikini so why not in hocks, but he still say no.

Sometimes I think of set fire to Lee Valley in revenge.  Problem is that coach say we no allowed to smoke, so I no carry matches in purse.