Do a barrel roll!

Speaking as someone who was born and raised in Grinstead’s notorious East End, I think it’s fair to say that I know a thing or two about our unique approach to language.  There was this one time when I said “candle and wick” that caused George Pinner to look even more confused than he normally does.  Of course, he wasn’t to know that I meant “The umpire is a prick”.

Thirsty Venue

We say this one when we play a club that doesn’t have a water based pitch.  I know it doesn’t actually rhyme, but we use it anyway.


Old people like to wink, which rhymes with stink – this if for when we travel up North, where the potpourri in the changing rooms is never as fresh as it is down here.

A baby in a pram

Babies are wrapped in blankets; blankets are warm.  We say this if defenders ‘swarm’ around us when we have the ball.  This is usually shortened down to ‘a baby’, although ‘pram’ is acceptable if you don’t have enough time to say the whole thing.


Linen trousers are worn during the summer because it is hot.  When you’re hot, you drink water, and water makes you go to the toilet – ‘Sunglasses’ is for when you’re playing on grass and get dog poo on your stick.

Well, that’s it for now.  Next week I’ll cover the special words that Laura Unsworth used when I hid her Olympic gold medal.