Holcombe heartthrob ASHLEY JACKSON has found himself at the centre of a bizarre controversy after unhappy diners complained that he is a disgusting ANT EATER.
Witnesses at a local restaurant were initially confused when he crawled under his table, but were quickly recoiling in HORROR after he emitted the kind of grunting noise that only a beast from the hottest corners of SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA could make.
Not long afterwards a long thin tongue was seen protruding from his MOUTH as he began a frantic search for supplemental nourishment whilst he waited for a plate of potato skins with soured cream dip to be brought to him.
“No way am I an ant eater,” Ashley Jackson told reporters. “All that happened was my shoelace came undone and then I got indigestion when I was down there trying to fix it. It’s why I usually wear velcro trainers.”
A Foot in the D 